If you have read my blog for any length of time you know that I have ADHD. I was diagnosed officially in my early forties, but if you know me in real life, you know that I’ve always had it. Especially if you’ve ever suffered through me trying to tell a story more complicated than “I walked into another room. Now I’m back.” If I were to try to tell you about a funny t-shirt that I saw on my bus ride to work one day, there would be a minimum of five diversions from the subject, at least one rant about the state of American infrastructure and the death of the New Deal at the hands of Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton, a couple of lines from David Lynch’s Dune, a joke or two, and finally an awkward pause where you change the subject. Twenty minutes of polite conversation ensues, where I mostly pay attention to what you are saying. Then a sudden exclamation from me when I remember what the t-shirt said. “It said, “WORLDS’ GOODEST TEECHER!” And then more rants on the later work of Jon Bon Jovi and how that relates to a meal I had last month.
I actually bought my sister this shirt several years ago. She was a classroom teacher at the time.
She wore it to school.
No one called her out on the spelling or grammar.
No one.
At a school.
Despair our future, gentle readers.
In what should surprise none of you, I am changing the subject of this post. I was just presenting my ADHD bonafides. I was also trying to give those of you that have not met me in real life a taste of what the pleasure of conversing with me is like. As you can clearly see, I’m a delight.
Yesterday, I was minding my own business on Facebook when I was brutally attacked by a meme. I mean technically it is a screen-capped Twitter thread, but in my taxonomy of memes, that’s close enough. Speaking of taxonomies, this is my taxonomy of trees:
But, I digress. Here is the meme that got me right in the ouchie spot:
This was my actual response:
I’m pretty hard on myself and I really give myself shit about my inability to finish things. That’s not about to change, but it was nice to see that other people with attention problems struggle with similar, almost exact challenges.
I literally spent months looking for just the right blender, even though I already own a blender that does 90% of all tasks that a blender could ever need to do. A good, reliable Oster. But I wanted more. I wanted a blender that could do everything. I might never make my own nut butter or grind my own flour, but I really wanted to be able to. I needed a super blender.
I really wanted a Vitamix 5200, but them shits run about $450, so that was out of the question—even if they have a three horsepower motor. Speaking of horsepower, check this out.
Wait. Prepare to be angry first. Are you ready to be angry? Are you sure? Ok, here you go:
In August I found an inexpensive Chinese knockoff of the Vitamix blender that I desired. I unboxed it, cleaned it and then set it on the counter. I have used it maybe twice. The last time I used it was when I high on edibles and wanted to make double-strength Kool-Aid last weekend and I felt that my stirring skills weren’t up to the task—they weren’t. Jennifer was out of town or I probably would not have run this blender that sounds like a jet engine at three a.m. Was the extra strength Kool-Aid refreshing? Let’s just ask the Kool-Aid man:
Thank you for coming on this little journey into my ADHD brain. Happy Thanksgiving for those that celebrate. I will write a special Black Friday post next week complete with door busters and specials—not really, but I will post something.
Thank you, as always, for reading.
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