Wanderlust in quarantine.

I have a feeling that when things are safe again, we're all going to become vagabonds.

I can sit in a chair for longer than a minute at a time without yelping! I can start doing my challenges again, and I’m actually very excited about that. My hip is not 100% yet, but 85% will do.

Has Potato Jesus given more laughter or has Ecce Homo given more piety?

I spent the second half of 2018 and most of 2019 in a pervasive depressive state. Barely functional. Accomplishing the barest of bare minimums. I was not crushing my activities of daily living. Cooking some meals for Jennifer and I, feeding the cats on my turn, taking a shower every so many days, taking out the trash when it was full up to busting, etc.

My toileting was fine, in case you were wondering.

Then I started to literally dream of the giant trees out west. Every night for several days. Specifically the redwoods and the giant sequoias—suck it, Douglas firs and ponderosa pines! Same for you, all of you trees under 200 feet.

I paid $8.10 for this image—worth it! I couldn’t find a free image that was quite as kooky, so please enjoy this anti-arbor iconography. Make a t-shirt. Death to trees and their oxygenating ways! CO2 forever!

I’m not spiritual or religious in any way, but I do feel that powerful, repeated dreams, dreams that bleed over into your daily life are a klaxon from your subconscious—“Pay attention to me! I need something.”

In this case it was telling me that I needed to finally see the WEST of the country, especially Northern California and the Pacific Northwest. I need a literal change of scenery. Now!

Not my photo. These are giant sequoias; still on my bucket list.

I was already planning to go to the Pacific Northwest. My best friend has lived outside of Seattle for several years, and I had never visited him. He was going through a divorce and I really wanted to put eyes on him.

Mostly I just missed him. We talk on the phone pretty regularly, but there’s nothing quite like being in the same room with your friends. A lesson we’re all learning right now. And he’s just a damned delight to hang out with. To laugh and sit on the back porch with, or binge watch Mindhunter season 2 with. To go on silly adventures with. It was a vacation, not a wellness check is what I’m trying to say. I missed my Brotherman!

I have known him for almost thirty years, and I am so honored and glad that he was my best man. He really made the wedding, and the week around it very special. I love you, Amo.

While I was looking for flights, Jennifer suggested maybe riding the Amtrak Empire Builder to or from Seattle, to maybe get some writing done while the scenery passes relatively slowly by. I looked at several combinations of air and train, but it was going to be far more expensive than just a roundtrip flight to Seattle and back. On a lark I looked up to see how much a rail pass would cost, and it was, surprisingly, a two week pass was only about one-hundred dollars more than a plane ticket, and I would have two weeks and eight segments to explore with—my giant trees were within striking distance! I just needed the money.

I needed some snaps for the petrol.

I had a medication change and a subsequent lift in mood that was entirely a placebo effect (and I mean that in the best way possible—there is no way I was on an effective dose at that point, but the hope of a good outcome did have a salubrious result). Around this time a friend gave me a temporary job. Between the money from that job, and from the generosity of Jennifer and my sister, I was able to get enough money to buy a pass and start planning this once-in-a-lifetime trip out west. I will write more about this amazing trip in the future, just know that I got to see some of my gigantic trees. Redwoods at the Muir Woods National Monument with some wonderful friends, old and new.

Afterwards we had the most amazing seafood meal in Sausalito. I think about it often.

After this soul-refreshing trip, effectively dosed meds, and with the support of my amazing network of friends and family, I was able to claw out of my depression for a few months, and by October I was ready to take on some new challenges in my life. So, I came up with “The 10 things that I want to accomplish in the next year”. I originally had the idea to do them as a kind of personal, private challenge. Or maybe as a YouTube channel. Jennifer suggested doing them as a blog, and at her further suggestion, as a newsletter here on Substack. I was not sure if anyone would read it, and I knew that I would be very bummed out if no one did, having had blogs before that only my mom would read after the first couple of posts. But I said to hell with that defeatist bullshit, I’m trying new things. I have challenges to meet. And you know that I’ve had another downturn and that I am starting to pull back up out of the trough. Winter is almost over. I’m ready to do my challenges. Ready to be social. Ready to start a coworking schedule with a friend out of the house. Ready to get out and see what Chicago has in store for me. Right on cue we are all put on lockdown. Jennifer and I are in high risk categories, so we have been in place for everything except for appointments to doctors and picking up medicines for a couple of weeks now. I’m having those powerful, recurring dreams now, but they are all about eating in restaurants, drinking a beer and trying to crack up Polino while he tends bar, going to a big house party and shaking hands, giving and receiving hugs without wondering if this going to hurt someone. I also want to get into a car and drive to another town, state, or country and not worry about whether it’s safe. We had so many problems a few weeks ago, and no problems at all.

I know that none of these dreams, thoughts, and fantasies are original at all. I am just like everyone stuck at home with a lot of questions and afraid of the answers. But today, I’m going to play guitar and take an online drawing lesson. I burned a lot of the time I had to accomplish these goals in a year. The fates have given me some time to focus hard on them if I choose, and I choose to.

While we’re stuck at home together, you may as well join our Discord server.

Thank you, as always, for reading.

Drop me a line: jeremydnichols@gmail.com

Follow me on Twitter: @jeremydnichols

Follow me on Instagram: @germynickels

My PayPal: paypal for Jeremy Nichols

Discord server: Too Late Smart Newsletter Server