Putting the stay in staycation.
Taking a week off of things felt so good, that I decided to take two.
Did you miss me?
More menacing than I probably intend. Or is it? <Eyebrow Raise>
I know that I missed writing the newsletter. Not enough to stop what I was doing and write a post, mind you, but you get the idea, right?
Seriously though, I had writer’s block about writing this post. I have never had writer’s block about the newsletter before. I have had times where I felt like I did not have anything new to say and decided to wait until I had something to talk about with y’all. That is not what I consider a block. A block to me is when I have something to say, but feel utterly unable to get out the words. And that is precisely how I felt coming back after taking a lovely week off from this blog. I got a lot of other things done, but I was utterly blocked when I tried to make a new post.
Wednesday night I lay awake with not-quite racing thoughts about writer’s block and feeling generally unproductive, and I decided to listen to a podcast about writing, thinking it would at the very least put me to sleep (it did).
100% accurate model of my brain and not-quite racing thoughts on Wednesday.
The episode I listened to featured an interview with a friend of mine who is a wildly successful, award-winning television writer and producer with credits on prestigious and popular shows. To say that I admire her is a gross understatement. She is like a demigod in my mind. Supremely talented and tenacious, but kind and genuine. Her commitment to hard work and kindness in a oft-shitty business is truly inspirational. She remains the down-to-earth Texas gal that she has always been, and even if I did not know her and like her work already, this interview would have made me an instant fan. In it she talked about the many years she spent in the wilderness working day jobs and writing at night with no one taking any interest in her work that she diligently submitted and about how she wishes that more writers would talk about what a grind becoming a t.v. writer can be, and how you can gather up quite a collection of years and rejection slips while trying to “make it”. She also spoke so frankly and humbly about what it was like to finally get staffed on a show, and about the mechanics of the day to day on episodic television. It was both fascinating and demystifying. It made it sound like a really cool job, but a real and sometimes very difficult job with a shape and substance to it. She’s a gifted storyteller, so that she could make talking about a day in the life of a t.v. writer so compelling is no surprise. The thing that really got my attention is when she talked so openly and matter-of-factly about what is almost a taboo subject for professional writers, which is writer’s block. That she struggles with it and that she always has an ear open for new strategies to counter writer’s block was so damned relatable. Here is a person who absolutely must make deadlines for shows that cost millions of dollars to produce and she still has to do little tricks and hacks to keep writer’s block and distraction at bay. I talked about the guide to avoiding distractions while writing that she gave me some time back—that comes from her own very real struggle with distraction. I truly think that listening to this episode helped me break my own block, if even subconsciously.
It me!
The block lasted all last week and until very early Thursday morning (3:30 am) when I woke up with an almost fully formed post in mind.
I might be overselling that a bit. A “fully formed post” is not exactly how I would describe it. I do have a running theme however, and that is this:
This newsletter/blog is not allowed to make me distressed or anxious.
I will put my thoughts down in any way that I choose and when I choose to do so. Most of the time it will be once a week; sometimes it will be more or less often. I may be changing something that I said in another post, but dammit, I’m the boss of me, and I can and will make things more sustainable for my addled little brain.
Perfectionism, my lifelong nemesis, is not allowed to interfere in any way with this project either.
My thoughts exactly.
The one thing I truly treasure about this blog is that I feel that I can be unapologetically, for the first time in my life, the flawed, but genuine person that I have been afraid to share with the world. For years I have unsuccessfully attempted to hide my flaws and weaknesses with an astonishing array of defense mechanisms and false fronts. This is a common gambit for insecure types like myself, sure, but I still feel compelled to try to put up a front that distracts from what I think of as my most glaring flaws. Because I am certain that if people know the “real me” no one will love or even tolerate me. Sure, that’s probably just the Complex PTSD and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria talking, but it does not make it feel any less real. Every time I post one of these newsletters, I am certain that I will have been found out, and that no one will read what I have to say anymore. That I will not just lose readers, but that I will lose friends and family as well. Overly dramatic? 100%. Irrational? Almost certainly. Again, just because it’s irrational does not mean that it does not feel 100% genuine and terrible.
Those of you that have known me for years will be surely think about what a piss poor job I do of projecting invulnerability. That my flaws just pour out of me like the Hawking radiation of a particularly massive black hole.
It me!
Thank you friends and family for loving/tolerating me—poorly-hidden massive flaws and all. And thank you readers for continuing to let me share a bit of my life with you. Now that that is finished, let us have a little update on the challenges.
The Challenges and Status Report
Learn to play guitar with enough mastery to play complete songs by ear. Guitar is not going great, to be honest. I desperately need to find a way to make it fun. The likelihood of me completing this by October 2, 2020 is almost nil. I would say that this goal is maybe 10% complete.
Write a song, then perform it, accompanying myself on guitar at a musical open mic. I have acquired a very cool sound recorder and I have three separate DAWs (Digital Audio Workstations) on my iMac. I am thinking that some sort of electronic song is going to be what I write, and not a strummy la la guitar song. I sure as shit won’t be going to an open mic anytime soon. I’ll probably just upload it to the YouTubes. I have no idea how to quantify this one. Maybe 5% complete? Finish by 10/2/2020? Not bloody likely.
Write three feature-length screenplays. I am still writing my three screenplays, in fact that is what I was working on the last two weeks instead of writing the blog. I feel ok about this challenge still, though the damned clock is ticking. 15% complete. Finish by 10/2/2020? Actually, the odds are just over even money.
Design and code a game/app. I actually feel that this is going to be the one that I complete first. I just got a really cool piece of software, called RPG Maker MV. It allows you to design a JRPG (think of older Final Fantasy-type games) without knowing any code. Without any programming knowledge, I should be able to have a short, but fully playable game in three months, which more than fulfills this challenge in my mind. I won’t be programming, but with this software there are tons of JavaScript libraries to make my game really nice, so I will likely be doing a bit of coding in spite of myself. I do feel like I will finish this by 10/2/2020. I would wager that I am about 1% through this one, but the learning curve is not too steep, and it is a lot of fun to work on, unlike the slog that some of these challenges are turning out to be. Here is a level I made, just learning how to use the editor for a few hours:
By the way, the YouTube tutorial I was watching told me to call my game that name.
Here is what the editor looks like:
I’ll get better, I promise.
Finish a century bike ride. I am not currently pursuing this goal.
Start a profitable at-home business. I am still working on this, and I have what I think is a good idea (it is secret for now). I am not certain if it will be ready by 10/2/2020, and it is probably 5% complete.
Do 100 push-ups. My back is far too gingerly to even attempt full push-ups right now. I can do 100 wall push-ups though. I think that I will be able to do 300 by 10/2/2020, which will be a win in my book. 33.3333% finished.
Do 10 pull ups. <insert disbelieving, mocking laughter emoji>
Produce and distribute a completed web series. This is on-hold indefinitely until the ‘Rona is tamed.
Learn how to draw well. From life and my imagination. 20% complete, but if I really focus in the next three months, I think that I can do this one by 10/2/2020. I may not be an artist per se by then, but I will at least be able to use my pencil to convey an idea through image. I don’t think that I am doing too badly, honestly. This drawing of a cuckoo clock clearly shows my progress:
Oh, that’s not what a cuckoo clock looks like? Now you tell me!
Tomorrow (7/11) is my birthday. I will not be taking the week off—expect a post by Friday. Though, in honor of my birthday, I would like to shake the tip jar a little.
I tried to find an image with mostly change, so I wouldn’t look too greedy.
I know money is super-tight for many, but if you can spare a little coin for the blog, I would really appreciate it. This Substack platform does not support ads (not that I would want to have them) and right now subscriptions and donations are the only income I personally have coming in. I’ve never asked for money before, and I won’t ask often, I promise. Special occasions only. Like my birthday, or maybe the year anniversary of the blog, or when/if I complete a challenge.
Please do not feel compelled to ever spend a dime. It is always a refreshing surprise when I get money by PayPal or a new subscription. That said, I would greatly appreciate it, and I will turn around and put the money toward making the newsletter better.
I am also having a Zoom karaoke party tomorrow. If you wish to attend, you can email me and I will give you the details. Sorry for not inviting everyone individually, but there are almost 500 people on my email list now!
Thank you, as always, for reading.
Drop me a line: jeremydnichols@gmail.com
Follow me on Twitter: @jeremydnichols
Follow me on Instagram: @germynickels
My PayPal: paypal for Jeremy Nichols
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