I don’t know if it’s the seasonal depression talking, but I sure have not had much interest in doing anything more productive than the activities of daily living, and even those are lacking most days. Nonetheless, let’s check in.
Revised goals for 2024:
Play guitar with enough mastery to play complete songs by ear.
Ride my bike at least one mile.
Do 100 push-ups.
Do 10 pull-ups.
Learn how to draw well. From life and my imagination.
Walk 5 million steps.
1. Play guitar with enough mastery to play complete songs by ear.
I have not touched my guitar in more than a month. I don’t know why, but I just have not. I could blame it on a lot of things, but the fact is I just have not wanted to. I have been wanting to take a group guitar class at Old Town School of Folk Music—hoping that making guitar a social event might help me to learn more, but $248 is out of reach for me right now, so I’ll have to go back to being self/internet-taught. I need someone besides me to point me to where to go in my study. When I do pick up the guitar, I just sputter and spin in circles at “practicing” until I just start playing with the settings on my amp and guitar, and just make noise whamming on power chords. This is fun in its way, but I make no progress. The problem is that I know just enough guitar to be bored stiff by beginner’s lessons, but my skills are far from the intermediate and advanced types of songs that I want to play. I still cannot play one simple song from beginning to end, so maybe I should just plow through a beginner’s course. But I lack that plowing through boring things long enough to make progress gene. This is where an instructor, even in a group setting would be invaluable. They could meet me where I am and give me the proper exercises to progress at a somewhat steady pace.
NOTE TO SELF: Start saving for a guitar class today.
Score: 0
2. Ride my bike at least one mile.
Even with the unseasonable warmth this February it is still too cold to ride my bike. I will do myself a solid and look for my bicycle’s air pump the next time I am in my storage unit so that I know where it is in April or May when I do attempt to ride again. My Breaking Away dreams will have to wait.
NOTE TO SELF: I also need to get a new bike helmet before I try to ride. Mine is too small and pinches my forehead. I will find one before I get back on a bike.
Score: N/A (I don’t think that the zero that I gave myself last time was fair. I’m waiting on the weather to change after all)
3. Do 100 push-ups
With the help of my friend J.C., I was making some progress on this. I had gotten to where I could do forty wall push-ups in four sets of ten. I missed a few days due to illness and never got back on track. J.C. will remind me to do them every once in a while, but I don’t always get them done.
My first subgoal on this feat is to be able to do one hundred wall push-ups in one set before I start attempting knee push-ups and then floor push-ups. This is still the goal, but I just cannot make myself do anything over the bare minimum lately, and as I said before, even the bare minimum is slipping. It turns out that I am not the self-starter that my resume claims that I am. Future employers or recruiters: I have bad news about those intermediate Excel skills as well. I need to do this exercise before I do anything other than feeding the cats—I’m not making them wait to eat for my push-ups—I’m not a monster.
NOTE TO SELF: See if the push-up app that I used to use is still on my iPhone.
Score: 2
4. Do 10 pull-ups.
I’ll tell you the truth—I don’t know what exercises I should do to prepare myself to attempt even one pull-up. Also, I’m not sure if it’s a chin-up or a pull-up that I want to master.
NOTE TO SELF: Investigate exercises to build toward pull-ups or chin-ups. Figure out which one it is that you want to do.
Score: 0
5. Learn to draw well. From life and my imagination.
Last month, I did the January 2024 STRADA 31-Day Challenge. I did not miss a day of drawing. That challenge required drawing or painting from life. Quality ranges from piss-poor to not-half-bad. However, I have picked up neither pen nor pencil to draw since the end of January. I still doodle when I am between tasks at work or while sitting in a meeting, but that is just stimming, honestly. I plan to return to drawing soon and in earnest. Last month I gave myself a six when I was halfway through the challenge. I will be generous with myself this time since I did actually finish the challenge.
NOTE TO SELF: Use one of your many drawing books to learn some new drawing techniques today.
Score: 6
5. Walk 5 million steps.
Let’s go ahead and nerf this challenge a bit.
Let’s go for two million steps.
I am on pace right now to make 1,068,720 steps for the year with no changes to my walking routine. I am certain that when I finally wean myself off of Lyft, my step counts will double. My absolute dependence on Lyft has become untenable and beyond unaffordable. I shudder to think about how much I have spent up to this point. I simply do not make enough money to keep using Lyft at the rate that I have been. But I have gotten to the point where riding public transit for more than a few stops induces severe anxiety—this was the whole reason that I started depending on Lyft in the first place.
I was on my way to work about two months ago when I had a full-blown panic attack on the “L” platform. Even when I wasn’t having panic attacks, my commute was a hell ride that took between ninety minutes and two and a half hours each way. This depended on many factors—most of which were out of my control. I absolutely must start using public transit again for the vast majority of my travel, but I feel as though I am going to unravel completely when I have to. Maybe I will walk a longer portion of my commute. I have been told by the normies that walking lowers anxiety. I have never experienced lessened anxiety through exercise. I get no pleasure from any form of exercise. No endorphins or dopamine hits. The only pleasure that I get from exercise is in its cessation. Exercise is pain and drudgery and nothing more for me. I know that I need more movement in my life and that my physical health will improve even if my mental health refuses to budge. Walking is mostly tolerable though it is as dull as dishwater. I will try listening to the “Ladies to Walk With” mix that Jennifer made me when I made daily walking a priority when I first became unemployed in 2018. Or maybe I can kill the boredom with the myriad audiobooks stacked in my Audible.com library. Are there walking clubs like running clubs? If so, maybe having a social element will make exercise pleasurable for me. I know that I miss my morning walks in Texas with Tiffany during Mom’s long illness back in 2021.
NOTE TO SELF: Look into walking clubs in the city of Chicago.
Score: 4
The goals are right there waiting for me to achieve them. They are not going anywhere. Every day I need to pick up the guitar and see what happens. I also need to do my wall push-ups after feeding the cats. I need to pick up a pencil or pen and draw something from life or imagination every day. I need to take a stupid health walk every stupid day.
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I started writing this post with the idea of giving my hot takes on the Super Bowl and other football-related palaver, but it turns out that I am just glad that no one was seriously injured last night. Also, college players should be paid. Period. Their education and a shot at playing professionally aren’t enough for what they put their bodies and brains through. It turns out that I only had one hot take.
I’m shaking the tip jar.
It’s been a long time since I asked for any monetary help for the blog, but here I am with the tip jar. I plan to leave Substack this year because of its Nazi-coddling and other bullshit, so I am not asking for folks to pay for a subscription anymore. I will have to pay that money back to leave Substack, so I don’t want to add to that amount. If you wish to contribute, please use my PayPal below. No one needs to feel obligated to donate, but if you can, I will truly appreciate it. I love all of y’all.
Thank you, as always, for reading.
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