I don't know how to restart.

Escaping from a shame spiral.

It’s been almost a month since I last wrote a post. I have spent the last 25 days castigating myself for not writing a new post. Cajoling myself to write a new post. Bargaining with myself to write a new post, and yet hear I am with no posts to show for it. I have not been completely idle, but even with the time visiting with my mom in the hospital I have time to do more. Time to play guitar. Time to write the blog. Time to do something beside stare into space and disassociate, but right now that is a full-time job. Anxiety, depression, and fatigue got ahold of me this month, and I’m doing everything I can to keep myself afloat. And that means a lot of time to recharge my batteries. I can fight myself and be angry at needing lots of down time, or I can make peace with knowing that it’s just how I am right now. For now is not forever.

I honestly don’t know how to get back up on the horse. I don’t know how to get back into my groove other than to write what I can today and try again tomorrow. So that is what I will do.

Almost every morning for the past few weeks I have been going for a walk with my friend, Tiffany at the park by her house. Today I asked her to take a picture of me in front of the bluebonnets (that’s the state flower of Texas for all you Yankees and folks from further afield). It’s the thing to do in The Lone Star State.

Thank you, as always, for reading.

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