Next week I start a month-long online course about how to grow a Substack newsletter. It is predictably called Substack Grow. It is a live course and will be taught and facilitated by members of the Substack team. There will be a lot of time for discussions with other writers and the teachers. I am actually excited about it. I really want this newsletter to grow into something that can become my fulltime job like Captain Awkward is for Jennifer. A lofty goal, but not unattainable, I hope. I truly don’t think that it is hubristic. If I did, I would own up to it. I promise.
I had to apply for a position in the class. I did not think that I would be accepted—Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria reared its ugly head again.
Unable to admit to myself that it was important for me to be accepted into the class, I was snarky and borderline hostile in my application. I complained about the user interface of Substack and a variety of other peeves of mine. I left blank the part where I was asked to explain and discuss why my newsletter and I were worthy of inclusion. In the parlance of those gross pickup artist creeps, I “negged” Substack. I insulted and belittled this website and company. I dared them to reject me. But they didn’t, and now I’m taking a class that could very well change my life or could be a complete waste of time—yes, I’m aware of the all or nothing thinking. The likely scenario is that I will take the class, learn a bit about how to grow my audience and end up with a handful of paid subscriptions and a significant number of free subscribers. If I trust that the guys at Substack know what it takes to grow an audience (and I do) I need to take the class seriously and I need to start taking the blog seriously again. I need to admit to myself that I care about this blog deeply and that it hurts me when people stop reading my writing. It hurts me so much that I cannot write. Writer’s block rears its ugly head.
You see, I have been hiding from the blog for a few weeks because I was starting to doubt my ability to write. And I was definitely doubting my ability to engage readers. Every time I sat down at my desk to write my heart would race, my hands would get clammy and my mind would go utterly blank.
That’s not entirely true. I would have plenty of negative thoughts about how I am a bad writer and a lazy person who can never commit to anything. Rinse and repeat until the heat death of the sun. There are writers that can crank out content all of the time without a hiccup, and there are folks like me that struggle and create in fits and starts. I resolve to stop spending countless hours wishing that I was numbered among the people who never get writer’s block, and use that energy doing literally anything else. Drawing, playing guitar, watching Ted Lasso fan videos on YouTube—literally anything besides ruminating that I’m a piece of shit who can’t write. I promise.
Y’all are my witnesses. Pinky swear.
Thank you, as always, for reading.
Drop me a line: jeremydnichols@tooearlyoldtoolatesmart.com
Follow me on Twitter: @jeremydnichols
Follow me on Instagram: @germynickels
Follow me on TikTok: germynickels
My PayPal: PayPal for Jeremy Nichols
Discord server: Too Late Smart Newsletter Server
Jeremy’s Guitar Fiasco: Jeremy's Guitar Fiasco
Email for Jeremy’s Guitar Fiasco: jeremy@jeremysguitarfiasco.com
Twitter for Jeremy’s Guitar Fiasco: @guitarfiasco
Facebook group for Jeremy’s Guitar Fiasco: @jeremysguitarfiasco
YouTube Channel: Jeremy's Guitar Fiasco