Getting into the IT crowd

Wherein I (hopefully) get to try turning it on and off again

When I opened the editor to write today’s post, I saw this announcement:

That’s a bummer.

I’ve been writing my little fingers off every week for the last three months making sure that I post the best quality newsletter that I can. I had a couple of very long gaps last year where I was not posting regularly, and I have been desperately trying to make up for that and to grow my audience. And it looked like I was! Now I see that not only am I not gaining readers, I’m actually losing them. I feel so demoralized. It’s not that I do not appreciate the wonderful folks that do read the blog, I emphatically do. I was just really excited to see what I thought was steady growth be steady decline. I am going to stop complaining. I do not want the trickle of folks who unsubscribe every week to become a torrent. I know that that is a minor thing in the grand scheme of my life, but I am nothing if not a walking overreaction factory when it comes to anything that could be construed as rejection. It’s a massive character flaw; unfortunately it seems to be a load bearing beam in my psyche. Relying on the approval of mostly strangers on this and other platforms (I’m looking at you, TikTok) for my dopamine hits is foolish, and that is why I so desperately need a new hobby.

Hobby Update:

I have not even opened the package yet.

This is not bad news. I have been doing something else this week.

I’ve been taking a course from Google to become certified as an IT tech. Once upon a time, and for a pretty short period, I worked in IT as a subcontractor for the mostly defunct MSN or Microsoft Network, Microsoft’s attempt at being an ISP. To give you an idea of how old my skills are—98-99% of our customers were on dial-up. It was an outrageously hard job for me, mainly because of the fact that none of my fixes could be done in real time, screen sharing was just a dream, people had to take notes of the suggested fix, apply the fix, and call back if it did not work. The pressure to get it right was overwhelming to an anxiety monkey like me. If I did not give the right fix, I was creating more work for someone else. Sure, some people had secondary phone lines and the occasional cellphone. The per minute rates on mobile phones were horribly high back then, which made for another kind of stress—hurry the hell up, Jeremy!

Hurry, but don’t screw up.

Which is my kryptonite. I hate being under time pressure so much that I think it must be a phobia. Not a phobia per se, but time anxiety is realer than a mf.

I won’t play Wordle because I heard on Facebook that it was timed. Turns out that was incorrect, but the damage is done. Which sucks, because I probably would like Wordle. But my brain is not a brain that knows how to turn the klaxons off after a false alarm.

Me: Just play some damned Wordle, brain. Brain: Je refuse!

I lasted about two months at that job. I just got up to go to get a drink of water and left. I’m not proud of the way I exited, but I could not take another day.

You may be asking, why would I want to go into IT again? Because after this I used to have a little side hustle (it wasn’t called a side hustle back then) as the IT guy for a few families and a couple of businesses. I never took it seriously enough to get business cards for, but I absolutely loved in-person tech support. I loved taking an expensive and broken device and making it work better than it had in ages. That’s a satisfying feeling. The clients were so thankful, and I felt like I really helped someone. Why did I not seek employment in this field or parlay this into an actual business if I liked it so much? I don’t know, why haven’t I watched the last season of Deadwood? I liked Deadwood so much, and I have a friend in the cast, but I don’t see myself ever watching the last season or the movie. That’s just how I am sometimes. As I’ve said before, I’m a walking shrug emoji.

I know I’m insufferable, y’all.

This is from a comic. I don’t know comics at all. I wonder if it’s any good?

I want to enter IT as the on-site IT guy or working for a business like the one I once had. I think that I will enjoy this work and that I will be good at it as well. If I work at my current pace, I should have my certificate by the end of the month. Wish me luck.

A funny aside:

Today I was doing a module on customer service in IT and at least half of the examples were finding a professional way of saying, “Have you tried turning it off and on again?” Which cracked me right up.

Hopefully this will be me one day soon.

Thank you beautiful folks for reading this week. I really love you guys. Even though I felt a little dejected when I began today’s post, I feel really happy to have a place to put my thoughts and people who read them. As long as one person is reading, I will keep writing. That is my promise.

Shameless begging again. If you are on TikTok please watch my Depression Diary series and like, comment, and share (if your heart is in it). TikTok is merciless and fewer and fewer people are getting my clips, because I have almost no engagement from those that do watch. Thank you in advance.

Thank you, as always, for reading.

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