Enter the Lifehackers part one.
Is broscience going to help me succeed this time?
When I set out to write this now two-week-old post, I had a pretty clear idea of what I was going to write about. For once. I even had an outline. Well, an ‘outline’ is a strong word. I had some notes jotted down and then typed into the Substack editor that I use to create this newsletter. Here is a screenshot:
The very large print was typed in by me today, after looking over the notes.
Let’s talk a little about this ‘outline’.
I need to raise the stakes.
I need to concentrate.
I need to put some wins on the board.
I could do worse than to follow the example of Tim Ferriss. He is a “guru”, but I don’t feel like he’s out to start a cult or rip anyone off.
I know that I have only been writing this newsletter for nine-and-a-half months, but does that sound like me at all? No, I was clearly being possessed by the spirits of unquiet (they are never quiet by the way) life hackers and self-help bros. Why else would I, an avowed hater of all sports and the sports-industrial complex use a phrase like “put some wins on the board”? The answer is, I let the devil into my home. The devil being, of course, Tim Ferriss. I started reading this book in the hope of jumpstarting my moribund challenges:
The quote at the top makes me ashamed that I own this book.
I had originally bought this book in 2014, toward the end of my life hacking phase. I am not sure why I bought it; I already knew how to cook, and at a fairly high skill level. It has sat upon my cookbook shelf taking up space that better, but later in the alphabet cookbooks could be using.
I might have a bit of a cookbook habit.
I had previously read his diet and “health” book the 4 Hour Body. I even tried the 4 Hour Body Diet for a minute—no dairy and far too many beans—no thanks. Fuck lentils by the way. In the late 2000s and early 2010s, I, like many Gen X and older Millenial fellas, was mildly into “life hacking”. For my mom, who reads the newsletter, I will define what life hacking is:
Lifehack (or life hacking) is any trick, shortcut, skill, or novelty method that increases productivity and efficiency, in all walks of life.—Wikipedia.
Hi, Maa!
The driving force of life hacking was to take the ideas of creative destruction and disruption that Silicon Valley is convinced fuels “innovation” and apply them to everyday life. From packing suitcases more efficiently to making the most efficient sandwich, nothing was left un-innovated or optimized by the brogrammers, code monkeys, software ninjaneers (that’s a real job title), and various other tech bros. Of course, they thought that they had invented a new way of interacting with the world.
They had not.
Most of what they were doing would be familiar to the readers of Good Housekeeping and the nationally syndicated column, “Hints from Heloise”. The column was originally started in 1959 by the late Heloise Bowles and carried on by her daughter Heloise II (she simply goes by Heloise since her mother’s passing). Many thousands of tips, tricks, and hints have been shared by Heloise over the decades. She’s also a Texas gal, as you can plainly see by her big hair.
Heloise’s full name is quite a handle: Ponce Kiah Marchelle Heloise Cruse Evans. You can see why she goes by a monomym.
Things done by women are not valued by our culture, so it took enterprising and self-promoting dudes and a couple of websites to make life hacking into a small cultural movement. A very small cultural movement. While I am mocking life hacking, I am really mocking a younger Jeremy D. Nichols. I faithfully read Lifehacker dot com back then and put its lifehacks to use. I learned many tips and tricks, some of which I still use. There are other things in that world that I deeply regret learning about. I once owned a pair of these after all:
I only wore these birth control shoes to the gym, I swear.
Speaking of shoes—during my optimization is optimal period I learned a new way to tie my shoes from a guy called Ian Fieggen, who has a website called Ian’s Shoelace Site. He hails from New Zealand, and he is really, really into the science and lore of lacing and tying shoes. This is how I tie my shoes:
I used to have to re-tie my shoes several times a day and I was constantly dealing with wet or broken laces. My shoes have never once come untied since learning this knot. Not once. In more than a decade. And I have not broken one shoelace either. Not one.
His website is almost frightening in its thoroughness. Whenever I buy a new pair of shoes or boots, I refer to his site to help me figure out the lacing pattern. By the way, use his Over Under method for lacing your shoes. It is far superior to the Criss Cross method most of us use:
Since I started using his Over Under method, my shoes last much longer, they never corrugate, and like I said above, I have not broken a shoelace in over a decade. I sound like a total life hacker/evangelist, don’t I? But seriously, use his Over Under method. You will thank me, long after this blog is forgotten.
PUMA Frankenclydes with Over Under Lacing.
I tell you all of this about Ian and his shoelace site because I do want you to know that I am still on some level a true believer in the lifehack/helpful hit/better way to do things cause. Sometimes a lifehack works spectacularly and it makes me a sucker for tons of other ones that are not so well-thought-out. And it is why I can never get a damned thing done in life—I am constantly second-guessing whether I am doing something the ultimate, optimal way. This leads to decision fatigue, which leads to analysis paralysis, which leads to “Fuck it, I’ll start over and do it perfectly tomorrow.” Rinse and repeat until the heat death of the sun. It is driving me batty, and it has been for decades now.
How exactly did lifehacking take ahold of me? We have to travel back to the heady days when YouTube and Facebook were new and full of potential for bringing us together and revolutionizing entertainment, and not the fortresses and broadcasting towers of neo-Nazis, anti-vaxxers, conspiracy kooks, and neo-Nazi anti-vaxxer conspiracy kooks. Facebook was a place to try to illicitly hook up with people you went to high school with and to show off pictures of your dogs, babies, and lunches. It was also a place to post videos from YouTube. Back then it was mostly badly pirated music videos, amateurish comedy bits, and of course, cat videos. But clips of life hacks and other unconventional how-to videos began to be shared widely on the platform. A very popular video was this one where Tim Ferriss shows you how to blow a hardboiled egg out of its shell:
Pre-COVID this video was gross. It’s downright horrifying to watch now. Do not do this.
I tried this trick and it never worked for me. I thought at the time, “I’m a smoker, maybe I just don’t have enough lung power,” but my father who has serious lung impairment was able to do this easily. I figured like many things, The Jeremy D. Nichols Technology Paradox was in play. The Jeremy D. Nichols Technology Paradox states that the simpler a technology is, the more likely I will be unable to use it properly. For instance, I can use a power drill pretty well, but trying to use a screwdriver or hammer will utterly flummox me. Simple tricks are always way too hard for me. Tim Ferriss’s egg hack was no exception.
I had heard of Tim Ferriss before I saw this video. I worked in a used bookstore for eleven years and his first book, The 4 Hour Workweek had been a pretty common sight as a $3 Super Buy or $2 clearance book since shortly after its publication. It did not get sent straight to the donation pile or recycling bin, but it was not exactly a hot property either.
That a book this short can contain so much horseshit is truly a physical anomaly.
He went into that category of semi-culty business/self-help figures like Tony Robbins, Suze Orman, Steven Covey, or Robert Kiyosaki to me. Having found the business section to be utterly devoid of interest, I kind of ignored him, but then his book, The 4 Hour Body came out and I was completely into his whole vibe. After all, maybe his weight loss program would work where Weight Watchers, Sugar Busters, The Atkins Diet, The NEW Atkins Diet, The South Beach Diet, Volumetrics, and many others had all failed. (It didn’t.)
This seems like a good stopping point for this week. I believe that it will be a three-part series. It is likely going to be a bit rambly, but please indulge me, I feel that I have something to say about the life hacking and optimization culture and I would like to take the space to do it.
Thank you, as always, for reading.
Drop me a line: jeremydnichols@toolatesmart.org
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