Anhedonia
I've got the deficits in multiple facets of reward blues.
This has what the draft for this post has looked like for the last month and a half:
I start to write a draft, but I get about one word in before I decide that I just don’t have the capacity to continue. I’m not doing any of my challenges right now. Honestly, I am having to struggle mightily to keep up with the activities of daily living. Physically I have not been doing great either—my asthma and back pain have flaring up quite a bit. Also, as anyone who suffers from depression can tell you, it is a physical illness as much as it is a mental/emotional one with ensuing pains and flu-like symptoms. I have profound lethargy that is making it hard to just get through the day, much less taking on challenges.
This bums me out immensely. My psychiatrist does not have a pharmacological solution, and my therapist and I are working on a very intense phase of my therapy that is mentally/emotionally exhausting.
Where does that leave us?
I don’t want to give up on my challenges, and I don’t want to stop writing the newsletter.
I never intended this to be a blog about my ongoing struggles with mental illness, but maybe that is where I am right now.
The only thing that I know for certain is that I am going to write something to you guys on a regular basis (3 to 5 posts a week) starting today. Some days it might be just checking in. Some days it might be me talking about how the challenges are going back at full power. I don’t know for sure; I only know that I won’t just disappear for weeks at a time again. (At least I’m not planning to <insert shrug emoji here>)
Thank you, as always, for reading.
Drop me a line: jeremydnichols@gmail.com
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p.s. I am also going to start a discord server for the newsletter, because I think that it will be a good way to keep in touch with this community. No one has to join, obviously, but I think it would be a good thing.
Life always throws up things that take you away from your goals - the hard part is picking up the challenges you have set yourself again. Starting again is always better than letting things slide. Good luck. Your posts make me keep trying on my own stuff.
Love you, friend. You know I'm always around to chat. I really need to check out the discord your wife has. I haven't gotten to it since getting back home.